Friday, June 20, 2014

My 13 years old sister

So this happened, I saw a picture of my 13 year old little sister at a wedding and i sent her a message saying "Whose wedding did you attend? You look gorgeous" and she replied "I know, i always look gorgeous".....i don't know why but i have never being prouder as a sister.

My sister is 13 years old and she is the most annoying but loveable person ever. There is no one person who meets her and doesn't fall instantly in love with her. She has this infectious energy and as much as i try to clip her wings, i sometimes feel like her dragon wings are unclip-able.

One of the things in envy most about her is her undying confidence. This is a 13 years old girl whom i envy. I envy her truck load of confidence, she knows she is smart(very) and gorgeous and regardless of what anyone says, she is confident in who she is. Most of the time i wish i had half as much confidence as she has, i wish i could take a compliment as graciously as she does without trying to be "modest" and replying a "you look beautiful" with an embarassed "oh no i'm not" she reminds me of why i chose to be a feminist. Girls need to understand that, compliments do not determine who you turn out to be. Things like that are little things, far from the bigger picture, far from what girls should  live for.

I don't know why but i often think of the message between i and her and i think to myself, dude, this girl is the reason why we must fight for the rights of women. We must not let the world turn kids against themselves. kids need to know they matter and no one can decide for them the kinds of people they will in fact turn out to be. We just have to preserve the innocence and beauty of children especially girls, whom are thought at an early age that all they have to be is pretty and that's it, they will become women and men will own(marry) them and take care of them.

Conclusively...i watched a video and i am so guilty of always going "sorry" even when i don't even need to be...I am sharing this Pantene video with all you beautiful girls. To the boys, sorry we are not sorry.
Enjoy this little 2minutes video :)

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Tuesday, June 17, 2014

I Am Not My Name

What really is a name? A combination of alphabets pronounced together to form a certain sound and whenever you hear that sound, you automatically assume it is referring to you. You are nothing but words....but then everything is just alphabets right??? forming words, forming sound. But then the alphabets themselves...

Anyway, i have being asking myself this two questions for sometime now,

Who am I? Why am I here?

To understand who you really are, you have to embody the sense that you are nothing first. At the end of the day, we are all the same, just a bunch of atoms right? But then what are atoms? They are nothing, you and i are all nothing but we are something. People we are called, Humans. We are the dominant species in a giant atom which is this planet. Understand this, if you and i are nothing but atoms and the planet and everything in it are nothing but atoms as well, then doesn't that make us one with the planet, the earth, the plants, the animals all of it. we are all just one and the same. Until you have grasped the concept that you are nothing, that this cocoon that houses your soul is nothing but a collection of atoms and when stripped away, you are nothing but a soul and what really is a soul? NOTHING.

It took me a while to understand who i am, well it is a journey, i am still going through the process of finding out who i am. I answer to a name that was given to me at birth. It was supposed to honour my maternal grandmother whom also bares the same name, this same woman that i go a year without speaking to or seeing, I am supposed to be a symbol of my parents respect for her....i think. I also answer to many other names, i answer to the name my mother gave me for traditionally, she was not supposed to speak out the name of her mother, I answer to the name the boys in my high school gave me, I answer to the name i gave myself which my brother modified and uses it to refer to me. I answer to so many names that i began to realise that i am not my name. I do not really have a name when you think about it, i answer to so many names that my name does not define me. It is not who i am, it is not the driving force behind my actions. My name is a label put onto the ball of atoms that i carry around as my body. Until you have detached yourself from your body and your name, you don't really get to understand who you are.

The first time i realised who i was, i smiled. I found out that i am exactly the person i want my little sisters to be. I had become a manifestation of what i dream my kids would be like and that was one of those "YES" moments for me. I found myself fascinated by people, animals, the entire world. When you sit and you watch, you will see that we are all alike and different in a sense. Although we are all just nothing but atoms, each soul is unique in its own way. After you have found out who you are, you then realise how temporary life is, you will begin to see beauty in everything and everyone. You will begin to love harder and fiercer, you will savour moments and leave lingering kisses. You will hold on to memories as hard as you can and just smile at everyone. Belief in a higher divine deity will become so much easier and you will see a manifestation of your belief in everything.

This then leaves the question of, Why am i here?

Honestly, i still don't know. I though at a point i had a glimpse of where i am heading to, making me wonder if that is my purpose, if that is why i am embodying this body in a temporary realm but the more i think about it, the more it doesn't seem likely to be my purpose. If you reader you have found out who you are and why you are here, blessed be thy heart and if you haven't, i hope this journey that you and i are both on is filled with twists and turns, leading us to where we are going hence finding our purpose.

When your heart is pure and you are good in your heart, for the sake of being good, for the goodness of the planet and the people in it, the whole world will be for you. If you want something bad enough, the whole world will conspire to help you achieve it.

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Love: Sweet Sorrow

I do not write about love often, It's so complicated and i have being through a roller coaster of emotions due to the concept of....or rather my idea of love.

There is something so tragically beautiful about love. I say tragic because when we read about love or watch movies about love, it is always a tragic tale and if at the end of the poem/movie the lovers end up together, there will be a great deal of compromise and hurdle jumping and it is just not a love story without a pint of tragedy.

I read a poem in high school, i don't remember much of it now but i remember a particular line that bugged me, it goes "Oh sweet sorrow". I know it is a part of speech but there is something so right about the phrase. Growing up, it makes so much sense now. This how i see love, as a sweet sorrow. It is beautiful and comfortable and what not but at the same time, it is the one thing that can hurt you in ways you do not image.

I told my friend today about having writers block and when i was heart broken, the words sipped through the cracks of my broken heart and spilled onto my keyboard. I told him i miss that, i miss the pain....he did threaten to hit me(of course it was a joke) for saying that but i think it makes sense. The most addictive things are emotions, like for real, this is straight up psychology i am talking and believe me, there is something sweet about pain that makes you hang on to it. If you are me, years after, you still keep reeling back to that exact same spot where your hurt radar went through the sky. It is sweet sorrow. It's like having a paper cut and sprinkling salt on it, at the same time that it hurts, it's kind of soothing.

Love is not a bad thing, if anything, it is the best thing in this dark twisted world. But the whole falling in love idea knowing nothing lasts forever just puts a damper on the whole concept. I do not think there is one person who fell in love and found out that it was smooth sailing calm NO.

Fall in love at the risk of your own tragic tale. I am not being sadistic here or bitter. I am just saying, i do not want to leave myself open to the chance that i will be, i don't want to do that. I want friends who would stick by me, through cool waters and turbulent skies.
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