Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Tales From Behind A Bathroom Door

A short fictional story for my few but lovely readers. Enjoy

Tears were streaming down my face like a water fountain.
I found my phone, which i was apparently holding or rather clutching in my hand all through my manic episode. I dialled my friend’s number quickly and slumped to the floor, feeling the weight drop from my chest and the tears just flow angrily out of my eyes.

"Hey baby" she answered the phone as she always does.
"i did the stupidest thing" i told her between sobs. I could hear her trying to keep the cool in her voice and not freak out.
"What happened? Tell me. What happened? Where are you?"
"i am in a bathroom on the floor. I was at his party and i lost my mind. I said horrible things, horrible things, all the things i had not said for years, i said them all. in front of people. there were people all around and i yelled at him. and i cried. they watched me cry"
"Wait...wait. Hold up. you actually went to the party?" she asked. concern dripping from her voice like molten ice cream.
"Yes. It was stupid but yeah, i did go"
"Start from the top. What happened?"

I walked into the house and i saw him, surrounded by all the people he cared about, no surprise that i was not among them. Anyway, i put on my happy go-lucky face and i walked right up to him. I hugged him, wished him a happy birthday and i handed him the gifts. The night went on. She was there. Yeah, her. She was all over him, so pretty and just flawless in everyway. I could not possibly compete with her so i sipped some nasty looking juice and sat alone on a really ugly couch, missing my own friends who would move mountains for me. Feeling like a complete loser i wore my jacket and walked up to him to say bye.
"Hey, i am leaving now, happy birthday again. enjoy your night" i said and turned to leave.
A little buzzed from whatever it was he had ingested he yelled
"Why are you leaving? the party just started. don't be dramatic"
"I am not being dramatic" I yelled back so he could hear me over the sound of the music blasting.
"I am pretty lonely as you can see but anyway have fun". He laughed and said something to the girl that was standing with him and they both burst into fits of laughter. Rage was beginning to boil the blood in my veins making me glow an ugly shade of orange. I turned to leave and for a split second, I let my demons win. I turned around and said in a gentle yet filled with fire voice
"You know, you are shit person. You have being an absolute dick to me ever since I met you. Here I am, gorgeous and smart as fuck, I may not be her but I am worth the effort and all you do is look past me, like i am not even there. What is it you want from me? Why do you bother coming back into my life just when i am beginning to rid my sheets of your scent. All these people think you are some classy ass friend but i know the truth. You are a complete asshole. All i have ever done was be there for you. whenever you need me, i would drop whatever i am doing to be there for you and when i need you the most, that is when one of your stupid-ass-special-more-important-than me friend needs you. And i see you rush off to be there for them. Why can't you be there for me? I am fucking smart and i am a good person. Isn't that something? i go out of my way to impress you  and all i ever get from you are half baked compliments that i could wipe my ass with. I can do better than you, i am so out of your league. i know that. but you have this hold on me and i hate you so much for that but i am hopelessly in love with you but i know you are too cowardly to dare be committed to a girl like me so i am the doormat, whom you come to to wipe your feet whenever you want to and leave when you want to and don't even care to text to see how the hell i am doing. So fuck you very much. And i am not fine by the way. Thanks for asking. " By this time, i was yelling and shaking, i had tears streaming down my face and apparently the music had stopped and everyone was staring. There were a mix of shock and fear in some faces but i did not have time to care. He had already turned so many colours he looked like a Teletubbie. 
"And fuck you too" i screamed at the girl next to him.
"Where is the bathroom??" i yelled to no one in particular. 
"Where is the goddamn bathroom" I yelled again, this time with more rage. I felt like the incredible hulk.
Some one pointed to a door down the hall and i power walked to it. I was covered in shame, embarrassment and tears.
I walked into the bathroom, slammed the door shut and put the locks on. I slumped to the ground.

"Oh wow" she exclaimed from the other end of the line. By this time, i had calmed down a bit. 
"Well, what are you going to do in bathroom? Shouldn't you just leave?"
"I was hoping they had a big enough window i could crawl out from so no one would see me but it's the fucking seventh floor building and i am not depressed enough to jump."
"So what will you do?"
"I'll just wait it out till the party is over then i can slip out. Or well, that's what i am hoping to do. I do pray nobody needs to use the bathroom because they may have to just hold it in." She laughed. I laughed too.
"Well, sooner or later you are going to have to face him" she said, matter-of-factly.
"Not if i stay in here till i die"
"Listen, walk out of the bathroom, look like the complete crazy person that you are, go up to the apartment door and walk out. Leave and don't look back. You have already said all that needs to be said for one night. "
"Well, we’ll see. I'll talk to you when i leave. I love you"
"I love you too" she said. I hung up. I washed my face. Stared in the mirror for what felt like hours then i unlocked the door. The music was not playing. I walk out of the bathroom. The house was empty. As i was about to leave the apartment i saw him, sitting alone on the big ugly couch.
"Please don't leave," he said, well, more like whimpered. He sounded so broken i almost broke down into tears. I stood my ground. He walked up to me, took my hands and looked me straight in the eyes.
"Please forgive me,” he said. I was in tears again. He wiped the tears from my face and we stood there for several minutes. Just staring at each other. I got on tiptoes, kissed him on the cheek and walked out of the apartment.

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Sunday, March 2, 2014


Trying to be happy,
when every single bone in your body
is twisting on itself
new joints forming
new twists and turns
when your blood is drowning in you
filling you up to your brim
clutching at nonexistent outstretched arms
looking for survival
desperate for redemption.
trying to be happy,
when all you want to do
is lie in a pool of your own tears
beating against waves and currents.
trying to be happy,
when all the bets are against you.

-Happiness(i'm waiting for me to save me)
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