Sunday, February 16, 2014

Saying Goodbye

You stood right outside my door and looked me in the eyes. I was fearless. I demanded my keys back. Hesitatingly you took them out and dropped them in my hands. My heart fell into my palms but i couldn't break in front of you. I slammed my door and heard you walk away. You didn't even say a word. You didn't try to stop me. You didn't fight for me. I would have done everything for you. I would have gone to the moon and back for you. You didn't even try. Slumped behind the door you left i fell into 7 million tiny pieces and i cried till my eyes felt like beach sand. I am done holding you to me. I am broken. You broke me. I let you. I am giving up on you. I could not make you love me and you did not want to love me. I am giving up on you. I am giving up on us. I have scars buried deep into my skin from the places your hands have touched and i have a box of memories locked away in my heart i am setting me free. I am setting my heart free. I cried my heart to emptiness and i prayed you would come back to me. You didn't. I died 7 million times while you left. Love will find me.
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Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Sand Castles

I don't remember building them a lot
But i remember them crumbling
Majestically falling to sand
Beneath the weight of childhood boots

I fell sand castles for you
Me crumbling beneath lies and spit
I was softness. my bones.
My bones were sponge
Soaking you up. me up
Sand castles. me

I was answered prayer
Knees scratched from kneeling
You called me out
Soft steps gently raining me down
Pouring me into being
Me. Your prayer

Sand. castles.
My tears wet the light soil
I built myself up
From the pieces you left
I crumbled so many times
My self is clay
Holding me together
Spit and grit

You built me
Made me
Broke me
Left me

Sand castles. Me. 
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Tuesday, February 4, 2014


This is not a sad poem and it is not an apology. I am not apologizing. I have said more excuse me’s starting with I’m sorrys and more sentences starting with I’m sorrys so I am done beginning my sentences with programmed I’m sorrys.  I am done being the girl who, apologizes for wearing her skirt a lil too long, I am done being the girl who apologizes for wearing her her jeans too lose. My body is not a connection of regrets; blood flows through my veins and not apologies so I am quitting. I will not apologize for being human, I will not apologize for having an opinion and I will not apologize for being black. I have heard that the smartest thing a girl can be in this world is a fool, a beautiful young fool but I will not be that fool. I will not be the girl who breaths regrets and swallows her words, I will not be the girl who chews her voice and washes down her opinion and self respect with a glass of exotic male. No! I refuse to become an apologetic fool. My thick black woman lips will not voice out precisely arranged alphabets forming words of apology. A woman should not be an apology. Bosom filled with love and affection I will not apologize for my gender. I will carry this body with grace and confidence and stand tall among men. I will speak out and daze them with my eloquence. You have stepped on me one too many times and spat down my feet. My fists are balls of years of implied I am not sorrys ready to smash skulls but I have spent too many years of I am sorrys that I spread my fists flat and let old apologies fall to the ground. I am not broken. I am a woman. I am not an apology.
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Saturday, February 1, 2014