Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Love Gone Wrong

I grew up with the unhealthy notion that if some one loves you, they would never hurt you, they would do everything in their power to make sure you never go through pain...that was my idea. It was all fiction. Life is not a bed of roses. I learned that people can deliberately make u fall inlove with them just to gain joy from ur pain when they leave you. Very cruel world. I learned over the years that love is not just words nd hugs or kisses and roses. Its compromise and understanding, communication and trust, atleast that is what i have come to understand. Falling inlove is easy, falling out of love, now thats the tricky part. I mean, they don't teach you that in school. They teach us to love one another but they forgot to teach us to not love when necessary. yes, with love and compassion, the world is a better place, or so i believe but then, i probably do not know the first thing about love. Still, when you love someone honestly and sincerely, i believe that is when that person becomes ur axis. Every single thing u do from that moment on affects that person. What u say matters and what you don't say matters even more. U begin to want nothing but the absolute best for that person, they are constantly in ur head. U can't fall asleep coz all u do is think about them. Their happiness becomes number one priority for you....or so i think. Yes, love is not madness and neither is it selfish. Taking care of urself and letting that person take care of u is also love. Love is supposed to be mutual. It can't work lopsided. I mean, i love you and you love me and that is it, not i love and u are not sure. I have come to understand that most of all, love is painful....very. There is nothing more painful than "love gone wrong"...yeah, i named it. The pain is immense, u try to breath but u can't, its lyk some weight is pressing down on ur heart, preventing u from functioning. Sucks. After the massive pain and hurt and cluelessness comes the anger. So much anger that u are afraid u will suddenly mutate into this giant green monster and attack people. Anger by far bigger than u and u are afraid it will consume u and take over ur mind and cloud ur judgement. And then it subsides, like the drawback of the waves from the shore. It all goes away faster than it came...u don't even notice it because followed by it is numbness. You lose ur ability to feel. Nothing matters at that point. Joy, sadness, anger, pain...none of it matters at this point. U are like in a trans...auto pilot more like it and what sucks even more is while all this chaos was going on within u, the source of ur pain is somewhere off, being cool, being chilled, not giving a shit about what you are going through. 


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